Inside the walls of Vandy Psych

They let a journalist inside the psych facility…

“And I’ve heard this referred to as ‘shitting all over ourselves.’”

“No feeling is final.”

“Everything you need to know will come to you in compassion.”

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

~

“It’s really frustrating when your coping skills don’t work.”

“They have one job, really.”

“No depression today.”

“I’m cured, dad.”

“Something about the dorm bed– maybe the absolute lack of comfort. I don’t know what it was– probably the depression.”

• When asked the name and where his favorite nap spot is

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“Quinoa– not everybody likes me.”

• When asked what kind of food she was like and why

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“Sometimes you take your towel and shower caddy to the shower and shower. Sometimes you have to get your shower shoes and get your towel and shower caddy and change of clothes, and then turn the water on and then take the first step into the shower. Sometimes it’s six steps to shower.”

~

“I don’t want to numb it.”

“I can’t do guided meditation. It’s too quiet. It’s too loud.”

~

“Procrastination is a tool of emotional regulation.”

“We all do our best.”

~

“I didn’t mean to cripple you.”

“That’s okay, I’m already emotionally crippled, what’s physically going to do to me.”

~

“I’m really glad you’re mentally ill. Not because I want you to suffer but because you understand.”

~

“Viscous.”

“Honey to jello, where are we?”

“Very honey.”

~

“I could profile anyone if I wanted to now.”

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“How are we today?”

“As fine as we can be in IOP.”

~

“I knew that my mental health was deteriorating when I went to my boyfriend’s– I mean, I guess he was my boyfriend– we slept together, like, once– anyway, I started cleaning his house from top to bottom. In the middle of the night. He’s military, so he was up at four AM and he called me crazy and kicked me out of his house. So I walked home, from West Hills, to my apartment complex downtown, in nothing but shorts and a tank top.”

~

“I remind her of what could have been.”

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“Got to love going crazy.”

“My favorite part of the day.”

~

“Their energy is just like– ‘pick me!’”

• On what kind of potato she would be.

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“Motherfucker does not start with a ‘b.’”

~

“I need your presence right here with me. Can you see me right now? Can you sit with me right now?”

~

“What the fuck world is this that you want me to live in?”

“No one has ever loved me unconditionally.”

“All pain is universal. Suffering is a choice.”

“I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it.”

~

“It’s like… fucking wild.”

• On what mania feels like

“I can be witty and depressed? I’m winning!”

“I’m getting tired of telling my friends I am going to the hospital.”

~

“This is not forever.”

“No, not this time.”

“Find some new fucking friends.”

“We’ll get there… Maybe.”

~

“There is an end date.”

“Miniscule steps are still steps.”

“We have a fantasy about closure.”

“It’s a horrible place.”

• On journaling

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“I don’t believe in fashion trends I do whatever the hell I want.”

• When asked what fashion trend he would like to come back in style

“You can still say scarves.”

~

“He talked in hugs.”

“You’re a graphic designer?”

“How graphic?”

~

“We’re all just talking monkeys. On a planet. In space.”

“Normal is fucking boring– you’re interesting.”

“I had a spreadsheet [on her plants and names for said plants] but it got to be a lot because I have a lot of fucking plants.”

~

“What is the etymology of tampon?”

“Is Chicago a city?”

~

“I have survived all of my bad days.”

~

“Thank you for coming. You may go now.”

“I just need you to start saying random shit to me.”

~

“I’m sitting in a room full of Steves. Every single one of you, in some small way, has helped me along my journey.”

~

“All you need is a plan, the road map, and the courage to press on in your journey.”

~

“Let’s call him Joe.”

“My complement to the weather is that it is watery.”

• When asked what his complement to the weather was

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“I am not bipolar disorder.

I am the experiences that have built and broken me.

I am the things that have helped me, the things that have saved me.

I am the things that bring me joy in this life.

I am the color yellow, sunshine rays peeking through the dark clouds.

I am not borderline personality disorder.

I am the concerts I attend, bonding, on a spiritual level, with strangers.

I am the joy of Christmas,

The fond memories that my childhood is built upon.

I am a baby giraffe,

Trying to find its place in this world.

I am a coffeehouse on a dreary day,

Feeling like safety, security, and serenity.

I am not obsessive compulsive disorder, childhood trauma, or boundary issues.

I am my favorite band,

The music that has always been there

That has given me hope.

I am a chai latte on a cool autumnal morning,

Warming you from the inside out.

I am me, at least, that’s the way it should be.”

~

“I fucking hate all of them.”

• When asked what vegetable he hates the most

“My name is _____ and I hate potatoes.”

“I would be the potato left in the ground that everyone forgot about.”

• When asked what kind of potato he would be

~

“I do counting back from 100 by 7s because I’m bad at math and it takes a lot of fucking effort.”

~

“What caused it?”

“Well if I knew… You’re causing it right now.”

~

“And… I’ve kind of decided… fuck that.”

“There is a teacher shortage. They won’t fire me.”

~

“We need to talk.”

“Yeah, we do.”

“Now you’re both scared.”

~

“Age of maternal advancement. The heck?!”

~

“It is what it is, we’re here now.”

“The world is ready for you– they’re not ready enough.”